December 2011
Watch
When my mom says:
“Go wash the dishes!”
“Go take out the garbage!”
“Go fold the clothes!”
“Go make me coffee!”
“Go do the laundry!”
“Go hang the clothes!”
“Go bring me my purse so I can give you money!”
Partying on New Year's Eve?
haitharimdavid:
Don’t drink and drive-and don’t ride with anybody who does. Tipsy Tow offered by AAA: you don’t have to be a AAA member, from 6pm-6am on New Years Eve/day, they will take your drunk self and your car home for FREE. Save this number… 1-800-222-4357. Please reblog this if you don’t mind.
This is completely useless for anyone under 21 lol unless they don’t care.
When someone sends you a text that says "call me" →
funniest10k:
Jerk why didn’t you just call me
Why being a girl isn't working out for me:
Body: Oh, guess what time of the month it is!
Me: Please, god, no--
Ovaries: ALL SYSTEMS GOOOOOOOO!!!
Brain: I quit. i quit. kittens and cupcakes and no one loves me. oh my god salty snacks i am furious
Me: Please, guys, calm down--
Face: TIME TO RUIN EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EVER LIKED ABOUT ME. I'M GROWING MOUNTAINS, BITCHES.
Brain: And now I'm ugly! shbdksdnksbn
Torso: Time to practice labor. cramp this bitch up. GO GO GO GO GO GO
Me: STOP IT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
Stomach: lol clothes cant fit you anymore. you are bloated. you are now a balloooooooon!
Me: I hate you all
Brain: I KNOW EVERYONE HATES ME I AM SO DEPRESSED. we need to procreate.
Face: Lol, i'm not done yet.
Uterus: what did i ever do to deserve this?
Brain: you just wait uterus. they're going to make you hold a baby for like 9 months straight.
Uterus: You mother fuckers.
Torso: CONTRACT!
Me: I quit being female, I am now a llama.
Brain: Me gusta.
Listen
That moment when
lolsofunny:
Someone hella cute starts following you on tumblr:
Then you read their description and they’re the same age:
Then you read that they live in Narnia:
